A Retard's Attempt (ME, ME, ME)

Feelings of Loss: Part 2 - Guilty Nightmare

2005-06-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

My room of Dark and solitary recess...
Being built by hands of regret.
Like a mausoleum with old wood,
And coffins of bitter memories.
A place that reeks of damp boards,
From tears soaked into floor.
While guilt rests in the walls,
waiting for you to breathe it all in.

A shallow "how come" repeats in mind...

Unfinished walls bear tattered remains,
just like these eyes into my soul.
And on the floor lay white sheets,
Clean amidst dust and rusted nails.
Climbing out of bed with a wieght in my chest,
Where my heart used to beat life from.
All thats left are molded cracks and folds,
like my callosity formed every time i die when i think of you.

A shadowed "what if" eats me alive...

Feelings of Loss - Part 1: Void Of Disbelief

2005-06-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

Assurance rests past ashen fields
Where butterflies choke on dust
And man falls into Flame
Where fear surrounds dry rose petals
Lain for purposes of remembrance long ago
Or so it would seem like yesterday
A day that relives itself with every Sunrise

As I fall into hollow state
And lay victim upon the rocks
Wounded and uncaring
I continually recall your laugh and your pain
And feel as if the only thing i can do is rest in my void of disbelief

So I take first step onto cracked ground
And i feel myself waver
But your voice calls out to me
I see you past the fields of black and white
Running through vivid rays of sunshine
And chasing away dark corners
So i take yet another step with renewed hope
But you stop and turn to me...
"Fear not brother, for the dark journey that lies ahead is not yet yours to take. Turn back and rememeber."

The void starts to close
So I gather strength to climb to the top
but when i look i see
Not what i wished to see
But rather you as i feared you to be
Laying cold with my tear drops upon your forehead

Of Empyrean

2005-04-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

With turn of hands and wisk of imagination
In loss of self and another's emancipation
From hysterical beliefs to create foundation
... You were born

Of Empyrean,
Please prove me wrong
Please show me we belong

With fear in eyes and doubt in mind
In time of lies and ways unkind
From all the cries and power to find
... You were born

Of Empyrean,
Patience wears thin as my bones turn within
Waiting is no longer an option

With omnipresence comes lack of existance
In all this time ive lost my innocence
From which ive turned against words of credence
... You have died

Absurd Design

2005-04-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it all starts with a line,
or rather a crack in the flow of knowledge.
From mind to mind pieces leak
like a torn water hose...
yet still we pay no attention.

Sometimes it all begins with time,
and its infinite effects to decay and delay that which we know and stand for.
All we have learned to love or desired to obtain from above,
unlike many souls alive...
most of us fail to see the thruth through the lies.
Awaken to death and end to life... or is it the other way around?
How can we not know the answers to the questions we create?

Its a design you see
one which flaws to be
one which is sought to see
through the eyes of all who crave

It's design is unseen you see
like a map with no lines to decree
no drawings to direct you to the sea
so we can all drift away from this absurdity

It never ends with a sense of being
never lets you feel like you did it right
because its relentless like tides upon rocks
wearing and tearing until all is battered and torn
All that is left of us in the end is sand
our sand
past sands
and future sands
And all of it is placed upon one shore...
making it indiscernible
which of us IS us?
and which of YOU is us?

Its flawed to be a design
Its designed to be flawed